A Million Little Pieces

James Frey wrote the book about a junkie in a rehab. A sobering and eye-opening tale. It was advertised as a memoir, highly praised by critics and endorsed by Oprah. No, I don't care about Oprah, but millions of readers do. Then it was revealed that the book is a work of fiction. Frey was condemned as a fraud. Oprah invited him again and tore him to a million little pieces on her show. He knew what was going to happen when he accepted Oprah's invitation. Still, he went. I praise his courage.

I bought the book knowing all this. I love it. What does it matter if it's true or fiction? The power of the words is the same. And this is a powerful book!

Words...

I think I may have found the way to feel... happy? No, happy is not the word... Content! Yes, that's it! I may have found the way to feel content with my life.
I haven't felt that way for a very long time. Longer than the time I've spent in Canada. Almost as long as I can remember...

I come from work, I change, put my headphones on and I run. While I run, I listen to a good audiobook. (Currently, it's A Million Little Pieces by James Frey.) I'm running, I'm free, and the words stream through my head, and I'm in a happy place. The words stay even when I stop, they put me in a funny state of mind and make me think about life, about how I feel. They make me think about Maggie, who is at home and smiles when I enter all sweaty and smelly and purple from cold. They open my eyes to small details that build our lives, small things we built together. I like what I see. And, for the first time since I can remember, I don't think about moving away in search for a better place. I found my better place--it was here all the time.

Wind

Winter is creeping in, every day is colder than the previous. Today the temperature wasn't really low, but the wind made it almost unbearable to stay outside. I am not a tiny person, but I really had to lean into the wind during my run, so it won't blow me off the path. This Summer had been the wettest, rainiest, cloudiest one of more than a decade of summers I spent in Canada. Every sunny moment we treasure this year, because they are so rare.

I saw the TV footage from Barcelona today--it's snowing there! The cars are sliding on the roads, people slipping on the sidewalks. I'm half sorry for them and half glad that those impolite suckers who spoiled our vacation got an early bite of Winter.

Mom's big 70

Mom's birthday is fast approaching--it's in December and it's big 70! This year we didn't plan going to Croatia, and even with our best intentions, our bank statements speak against it. Still, mom hopes without hope and is sending us an invitation. Sigh. The whole family will gather at her small apartment in Zagreb, friends and neighbors too. True, none of them is more than 50 km away. We'll have to somehow make it up for her next year.

Skis

Finally, they are home. We bought the skis in Spring. The store kept them until we buy the boots, so they can fit the bindings and the boots with the skis. At the time they were out of ski boots, and we bought them only two weeks ago. It was all fitted and completed, brought home--it amazingly fits into our little Toyota Echo when we fold the back seat, no need for a roof-rack--and we spent some time skiing in the bedroom where we tried the boots and the skis on for the first time.

Snow in October

I can't believe we had flurries yesterday! I thought my winter runs through slush and snow pellets will not start until at least late November. And what happened to that global warming? Send some of it to Canada, we must be missing on all the fun. If it's to judge by such an early start, we're in for a looooooooong winter! I am not looking forward to it!

Toronto Half Marathon

I'm quite proud of myself after finishing my first half-marathon race. I was aiming for the time between 1h30min and 1h35min, so I clung to the 1h30pace rabbit (that's the runner hired to run the course in certain time) planing to let him pull me as long as I have wind in my lungs. It turned out that I trained well, had a lot of energy and wind, so the rabbit, whose name was Frank, and I finished ahead of time. My time is 1h27'55". Now, that may not seem much of a difference, but to illustrate the point, it means that we left all the runners running 1h30 about 1/2km behind, and all the runners running my predicted pace of 1h35 were 1.5km behind. The winner ran the course in 1h08min.

The 21.1km route started on the north end of the town, at Mel Lastman Square, and went along Yonge street mostly downhill, through the downtown to Ontario Parliament building on Queen's Park. It was nice, sunny and chilly morning, perfect for running. But, as much as I loved this race, it still left me only half-fulfilled. I'm craving the full marathon.

Federal elections

We had federal elections in Canada yesterday. The results today showed that, as expected, we didn't accomplish anything. We are still ruled by minority Conservative government, just as before the election. Stephen Harper, our Prime Minister (in Canada that's equivalent to a president with the exception that he is not being elected by the people, but rather by his own party) called the elections claiming that his minority government can't accomplish anything because of the opposition. After spending over $300 million on election, nothing has changed. He's still the leader of the minority government and will have to work with the opposition.

Maggie and I both support a social democratic platform of the NDP party. However, in our riding the party's candidate is a kid who just came out of university and figured it's easier to get into politics than to find real work--in short, the NDP put up a candidate without experience who was parroting the party's policies but had no individual stands and ideas. We felt let down by NDP's choice, and since we couldn't bring ourselves to vote for neither of dominating parties, Conservatives nor Liberals, we voted for the Green Party candidate. Alas, the Green party won no seats in parliament, although they had about 7% of popular vote. It's nice to know we are not the only dreamers in Canada.

Our elections paint a dull but true picture about the country--we are not capable of raising excitement resembling even a fragment of the pre-electional hype they have in the States. Even as our bland leaders squared off in a TV debate, we had more Canadian viewers watching the vice-presidential hopefuls' debate in the States. True, a dumb but pretty Alaskan hockey mom against a seasoned but sometimes unbridled politician promised a better show than childish bickering of domestic politicians. In the end, both debates turned to be a complete bore. In desperation, I switched to a hockey game!

Saving journalism

"...it may not be possible to save newspapers, but it ought to be possible to save journalism" - Steve Smith, former editor of the Spokane Spokesman-Review in a radio interview for On The Media.

I am not convinced there's anything worth saving in journalism as it is today. Maybe we should just let it go down together with the newspapers and cable news, and rely on blogs and gossip for our dose of (ir)relevant information?

Thanksgiving

Going away to Spain for vacation last month provided not only a well-deserved rest from work and daily routine, but also gave us a new perspective on life as we live it. We realized that even in "cultured" Europe people could be impolite and unfriendly, cities polluted, and life more expensive. Return home brought relief and a new appreciation for the lifestyle we have. So for this Thanksgiving Day we showed our gratefulness by sacrificing a turkey. Although Thanksgiving is plainly North American tradition, it couldn't go without a mix of cultures and recipes. Our sacrificial turkey was subjected to special eastern European and Canadian seasoning, followed by hours of slow roasting and served with fantastic Balkan-style pastry called "mlinci" and north American-style cranberry sauce. To top it all up, there was some of Maggie's apple pie left from the previous blog.

Ski boots

We bought ski boots! Probably not the most sensitive thing to do, with our bank accounts deep in the red from vacation, but at least we are ready for the snow season. It took almost 3 hours of foot measuring, testing and trying on different boots, until we both settled on perfect fit. The boots will be fitted with our skis and ready for pick up in a week. Bring on the snow!

Party's over

Even before it started, the party is over. Every year we have an anniversary party at the company to celebrate surviving another year against all odds. This year it was supposed to be a big 10th anniversary. However, the big boss sent a memo last week explaining that the party won't happen "because of the economy". I'd like to think that the management is being fiscally conscious, but deep in the guts it feels like a bad omen. When the inevitable cuts start, hope they won't start from the online department.

Apple pie

Last Saturday we visited Big Apple Farm in Colborne, a couple of hours drive east from Toronto to try their "famous" apple pies. We were not impressed--the pies were mushy, soft crusted and bland. Maggie was so disappointed that she made her own pie when we came home, and it was a winner! I'm not saying this because I know Maggie will read it, I'm saying it because it's true. The crust, the flavor, everything was there. So, tonight Maggie challenged herself to best the last effort. The pie is steaming on the kitchen counter and before we taste it and the judgment is passed, we took a picture. I'm certain it's just as yummy as it looks.

Wow: Greatness

"Be not afraid of greatness. Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them." - from Twelfth Knight by William Shakespeare

WOW stands for "Words of Wisdom"

Wow: Stephane Dion

"Poor, hapless Stephane Dion (Liberal party leader)... he really does seem like someone who wandered into the convention to use the washroom and suddenly discovered that he'd been elected leader" - Joanne Rochester, professor of English at the University of Saskatchewan, on CBC radio's As It Happens

WOW stands for "Words of Wisdom"

Autumn

We left Spain in Summer and landed in Toronto in Autumn. Ever since we came back from the vacation, the temperatures are barely passing the 10 C mark during the day and falling dangerously close to zero at night. Colors of Autumn are so rich and so abundant! So cruel of Mother Nature to paint the dying leaves in the most vibrant colors, almost as though she's mocking their existence. Or, maybe somewhere there is a hidden message for all of us to flash our best colors at the time of departure? In any case, I love all the shades of fading green, yellow, orange and red sprinkling the trees. But, I hate the rains of Autumn, I hate to see my breath during evening runs, and I hate the persistent drizzle which soaked through me tonight. I'll take the colors, you keep the rain!

Goulash

Maggie must have been a Hungarian in previous life. I mean, there's no other explanation how an Asian woman can make such a killer goulash every time! It's always perfect, always the right balance of flavor and texture. Tonight I'll stop wondering how she does it and just enjoy a nice bowl of goulash.

Words of wisdom (Wow): a couple of quotes

"I've gotten older now and I understand it, very much so,... Youth can be very, very threatening. And I was very young." - Diahann Carroll in NPR interview, talking about the older colleague's reaction to her rising on Broadway.

"Mama used to say: 'Boy, I had to do so much with so little for so long, I can do anything with nothing!'" - Chris Gardner, author of the autobiography book The Pursuit of HappYness in an NPR interview talking about the financial crisis in the U.S. and worldwide.

What a week it has been!

I neglected the blog, I admit--trying not to spend too much time on the computer, with all the training in the last 2 weeks before the half-marathon race. As soon as I'm home from work, I'm off for a jog.

Since the last entry, the U.S. sub-prime mortgage crisis caught up with the rest of the world. Markets kept falling; Bush proposed to inject 700 billion dollars into Wall Street: the U.S. Congress rejected it; markets recorded the greatest loss in history. Then the Congress quickly accepted the bailout plan, but markets kept free-falling. So today the news channels finally used the "r" word they've been avoiding like a plague: recession. Seems that we are in it for at least a year, according to the CBC analyst.

I wonder what it all means for us? We are locked in the mortgage for another year. With a little luck, the financial mess will clear until then and we may even avoid a significant interest hike on renewal. Other than that, I guess there won't be pay-raise any time soon: my employer, apparently, isn't doing well. Maggie and I may need to consider doing some freelancing on the side to help us out. I'm certain it'll all end well.

We have federal elections in Canada on October 14. As usual, there's no one really I'd vote for. Politicians are all the same. Besides, I'm really ticked off by Canadian system where we're supposed to vote for the party and its platform, not for an individual representative. Unfortunately, the conservatives are ahead in polls. I wish them another minority mandate.